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March 11, 2007

Womanly Wants!
Details on one particularly bothersome fantasy generated by the investigators in their attempts to build the impression of my fitting a certain profile

This is a weird one and so it'll be discussed quite loosely here and with only the necessary details to convey the general idea (as you'd wear an elegant evening gown, really ... loosely, I mean) . Sorry for that shameless bit of word-play, but women's clothes and womanly things in general are central to the following article.

First, a word or two should be said about my growing distaste for anything related to modern psychology and especially my own experiences with profilers; my personal view into the modis operandi of what I guess is the general profile of the general psychological profiler, at least insofar as my experience with this investigation goes, has been one which has not cast such 'professional's' in a very favorable light.

Knowing myself, knowing my past relationships and personal history, and having heard directly some of the claims made by this profiler group (if only via third parties), I can only presume that the behavioral science folks involved in the investigation of myself have simply lost their collective minds.

What I've seen across the board is a psychological investigation peopled with participants who have no lack of creativity in generating one fantasy after another regarding myself and especially my own view of personal sexuality; furthermore, this profiler group has showed a rampant willingness to lie, plant evidence and otherwise create the most elaborate of social/public ruses to achieve public and binding evidence of their claims.

All of this so that they might /then/ have legal mandate to force me into all sorts of alternative sentencing options involving winded and non-sensical psychological studies which all have at heart the general aim, simply, of making the profilers look competent in their abilities to predict and analyze human behavior).

That said ... and all pre-requisite wretching not withstanding, I will continue ...


../ Sleep well profiler, and dream

One such fantasy/wish on the part of the profiler group is to create the impression of my being interested in cross-dressing or that i am confused about masculine vs. feminine sexuality issues; a second, not quite as spectacular fantasy is that I'm a possible candidate for exploration of bi-sexual or homosexual latent tendencies/desires.

The former, the cross dressing thing, especially when coupled with a similarly damning set of circumstances casting me in a possibly violent/criminal light, is particularly juicy as a wish list item for the investigators because it's a classic serial killer type profile trait. I've seen my fair share of movies and generally these guys always have some sort of hang up involving femininity and especially that coupled with childhood sexual trauma. It's really almost a psychological cliche.

Remember in Silence of the Lambs? The creepy villain tucking his privates between his thighs and asking his own reflection in the mirror, "do you want to fxxx me?". Exactly like that. These guys (profilers) actually subscribe to and believe such statistically derived crap is real; this sort of implication, some hang-up on femine/masculine confusion, is exactly what the profiler group is trying to, in effect, assign to myself as real and a part of my person and behaviours, ... at least some semblance of that rather exaggerated example.

The latter bit, the latent homosexuality thing, isn't so important really as generally most popular psychologists, especially if gay themselves, will want to explore such possibilities with their subjects.

For the sake of this article, it's the more troubling possibility of the investigators manufacturing circumstances somehow incriminating me around issues of feminine/masculine confusion which needs to be publicized.


../ Evidence of set up attempts?

Fortunately for me, there has been no direct and retainable evidence discovered that an incrimination attempt has occurred which had as it's goal the implication of myself in a fictitious crime involving male/female sexuality issues; there was one coincident that threw my internal checks/flags, however and I'll discuss that briefly, below.

First, though ... when I say evidence, I mean evidence in the way of witnesses to the event or otherwise physical material gathered that was associated with the set up attempt. In the past, I have gathered ample evidence of set up attempts in the way of both third party witnesses and as well, physical materials related to the failed attempt. You can see the Set Up Examples section of for more reading on those past findings.

The one past event involving male/female sexuality issues ... or at least the possibility of such ... and which prompted me to consider the likelyhood that it might be related to an incrimination attempt was a home invasion of a personal friend of mine wherein a single bag was stolen which contained some of his wife's personal affects (clothing, etc.). This particular friend informed me that the police investigating the home invasion were very emphatic in their direction that this sort of crime usually is a hallmark of future, possibly violent sexual assaults. The point being, obviously, the apparent fixation on some sort of personal affect of the possible future assault target ... collection of trophies, object obsessions, etc. It's all just so perfectly hollywood ...

Upon hearing of this event, I was not overly alarmed; but still, my curiosity was nonetheless piqued.

The person(s) whose home was broken into is the best friend (and employer) of a certain ex-girlfriend of mine that I positively know is one of the persons from my past that the rumor mill aspect of the investigation has attempted to link me to in the way of being obsessed or that I stalk or otherwise have some sort of hang up with. I positively know this as others from our mutual social circles have confided in my the exact nature of such rumors purporting to my being somehow fixated on this particular ex-girlfriend.

Anyway, long story short ... this is the only documented and totally hypothetical event I have record of that could possibly have been an attempt to buttress this myth of issues around sexual identity and so I thought it worth mentioning here. You can read more about this particular event and others in the Setup Examples section of


../ Why male/female sexual identity issues?

Why would the investigators so desperately want to generate such illusions regarding my self? How would this serve the overall goal of the investigation? What bits of truthful circumstances around my own life could the investigators use as support for such claims?

The main reason is that an incrimination event (what I call detonation events) involving such issues would and usually does *always* yield the following need for extensive psychological study; this is one of the primary objectives of the investigation as you can read here.

Set a poor guy up in a way that makes him look like a cross dressing, panty sniffing home invader with a serious romantic hang up on an ex-girlfriend to boot and you've got yourself a sure fire introduction to all sorts of psychologically based 'alternative sentencing!' A profiler's wet dream, really.

Anyway, other than the obvious ... there is one other bit of personal history that other's have discussed with me that at least in part is one reason why the investigators took this strange tack towards forcing issues of sexual identity.

When I was in a certain band called worrybead, i wrote a song called 'mighty fine' wherein, lyrically, I stumble towards an attempt to express just how emotionally struck I was after seeing Natalie Merchant perform live on the David Letterman show; the idea I was getting at is very specific and yet I chose a lyrical solution to the idea which was anything but obvious; here's the line in question:

"If it's a woman's place, then it's potency.
I'd sure make a powerful girl!"

And, the specific bit, in the context of the entire verse:

"If it's a woman's place, then it's potency.
I'd sure make a powerful girl!
I've been switched, somehow duped, thrown a loop by the one,
by the one that's to be with you.
He counts himself a lucky man,
marks himself a blessed boy,
thanks his stars!"

As discussed with me by others, the wishful thinking psych-guys (and girls) in the investigation immediately pounced on this lyric as some sort of proclamation (or cry for help) that I had issues around sexual identity, that they really took this and ran with it from a very early point in the investigation.

For what it's worth, the actual meaning of the lyric, as mentioned, is very specific and considering the moment that inspired the song, it shouldn't be too hard for one with even the slightest bit of metaphorical skills to make sense of it. I won't violate my own code as a fledgling writer and discuss here what that meaning actually is, but suffice it to say ... it has nothing to do with desiring to be a woman (or even, occasionally, (shiver) dress up like one.)

Anyway, if you care to listen, here's a couple links to two different renditions of the complete song; one was recorded by me and an original band member playing guitar sometime around 1995 or so and the other was recorded by myself alone in early 2002 or so; I'm singing in both.

Mighty Fine (original version) | MP3
Mighty Fine (my hacked version) | MP3

(above files are hosted at the internet archive site, a public repository of audio and video content)


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